| Holiday in El Paso has left me time to post again... to catch up become my friend on myspace... I like that format better for some reason. However I do stop in here to see the people that don't like it over there.
Hank and I going to start our own blog... will keep you all updated with the site when it happens. | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| We got a letter today that Caden is invited to the 2007 People to People World Leadership forum in DC. He was nominated by his GT teacher for outstanding academic performance and leadership potential.
The conference is 5 days of learning about world politics and leadership with kids from 6-8th grade from around the world. He will be instructed by members of Congress and other political leaders. (www.wlfleaders.org)
I am so proud... I've been crying on and off for the last hour. Now we just have to come up with the $2500 for accomodations, food, and airfare... I will totally figure it out somehow. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| As I was sitting outside the computer lab smoking, I was unfortunately able to overhear a conversation about God. Not the I like God stuff, the God is speaking to us stuff.
"God is magnificent! He has big plans for us! Think of all the good we could do with this campus if everyone felt God's love! God is sending me messages of whom to marry and what to do with my life!"
Shut up, shut up, shut up. Go ask God, silently in your head, why everything down here is so fuckity-fuck-fucked if He loves us so much. Then ask for the lotto numbers so you can get rich and show some Godly charitable love... or spend it at the Gap. Whatever. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | foreign kid chatter | | Current Location: | WMU | | Security: | | | Subject: | X marks the spot | | Time: | 11:05 pm |
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| Found it.
I am happy, the real kind where everything you wanted your life to be comes true.
I love my work, and today I did good work. All this studying pays off when I make someone's life better, bearable, and shine a little glimmer of hope for them. I do what I do because I have been where I have been, and hopefully I can show someone else how to get here... to the place where it all makes sense and you smile.
Don't get me wrong... life would be better if Hank were here, if I had my own place, if school was finished, if I had a zillion hours in a day. But I don't know many people that love what they do, and although I go to work at 8am I smile every second of it. Everyone else seems to be convinced they haven't found *it* yet. I have found it, and them, and myself, and others like me.
Dammit, it is a good fucking day. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Fox News | | Security: | | | Subject: | *fuck* | | Time: | 10:31 am |
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| North Korea sets off nuclear test = we are fucked.
Not sure if I mean the US, could be though, as well as the entire planet.
I meant more personally. Hank has less than 2 years before he is DONE. Now he will have to go back to war again... one with a big fat nuclear threat.
I just hope I get to see him before they ship him off again. I can't stand much more worrying about him... I'm getting perma-frown wrinkles and I constantly want to vomit.
10:30 am and I already need a drink. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| It really bothers me how much other people bother me.
I think its a good thing that I am not a flake or an idiot. I like that I care about people and am relatively intelligent.
However it turns out that 95% of the rest of the planet requires flakiness, apathy, a serious drinking problem, and immorality as precursors for other people to think you are *normal*. People with real lives, interests, and those that stray from the norm need not apply.
This is not new, and I have accepted the title of *abnormal*. People are reckless with their incapacity to think of others and I am just fine behind my wall of books. What does bother me is that I still am bothered by this. Why do I even think about it? Why does my blood pressure rise when people open their mouths and nothing but stupid comes out?
Now I am just plain jaded... and I hate that. I want to connect to people but always have the running tally in my head of why I shouldn't. I want to join in the conversation but never do. I stick to the safe people and never even give a chance to anyone new.
Some call that being a bitch, or think that I believe I am better than others. I don't think I am better at all (actually I think it is a deficit to not be able to connect to ones own peers). I call it being protecting myself... I am always emotionally vulnerable so I just don't let anyone get a chance to see that. Ever. What if they hurt me? What if they don't? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I slack. Sometimes you have too much to say, so you just don't say it all I think. I check my myspace account for e-mails, but I slack there too.
So lets see here...
*I am staying married. I'm not telling the whole story, just be happy for me.
*I got a dog... 8 pound Terrier mix named Oscar, looks like crackhead Toto with a mohawk.
*Working in my internship... not so sure I like doing substance abuse work but I love the idea of working and not being in school.
*Cade turned 10, is hitting puberty, and is playing football. Jesus-H-Christ am I old.
*I have nearly zero social life... between grown-up world responsibilities, school, kid, and dog I barely sleep let alone have fun. I would feel bad, except it seems the people I would actually want to hang out with are as busy as I am.
There. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I am so unbelievably grumpy right now it is ridiculous. It very well may be for a reason, a good reason even, but since reasons are many and I don't have the patience to analyze myself right now I don't know why. I just am. One of those moods where you are afraid of touching anything for fear you may randomly throw it. I have a zillion things to do and I don't want to do anything. I want to sit and be bitchy... albeit all to myself, which in fact is good because I hate being bitchy to people that don't deserve it. There are many that do deserve it, but much like my reasons for being such a grump in the first place I have no patience to figure out exactly who deserves it and for what reason.
...and I am taking Midget to the damned Ren Fair tomorrow. It is a must to be the good mother I so desperately try to be... but why must it be in the 90's and why must car not have a/c?
If I squeeze my eyes closed long enough it may turn into next Thursday and I will be on a plane to El Paso. Then once I am back here I can do it again and it will be Tom Waits day. Then with one last eye squeeze it will be the first day of school and life will be busy but good.
I absolutely hate summer. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I am so fucking done. So, so... fucking, fucking... done, done.
I was able to do 18 in the fall, 19 in the spring... so with a summer off I think I can do it again next year. Double major, here I come. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
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chidee's journal
contemplative